A day for Random Musings

There's a part of me that hates transitions. Perhaps because I have engineered my life in such a way that most of it revolves around things I'm particularly interested in, I rarely feel stagnated, in desire or need of change. I enjoy having the somewhat non-volitional aspects of my life (the need for gainful employment, the exigencies of bill-paying and infrastructure maintenance) be rather constant and predictable. Perhaps this is the result of my tumultuous young-adult years, when minding many irons in many fires was requisite, years when I was trying to make good as a musician, and in service of that effort held many part-time jobs, rehearsed, traveled to band-jobs and tried to keep body-and-soul together all at the same time.

That was a time in my life when no minutes went unaccounted-for; when I snatched sleep and meals and showers as I could. When I ultimately decided that I was not going to continue to pursue a career in music, I found a day-job that would support my effort at higher education and enrolled in college. The next five years were, if anything, more stuffed with necessity and obligation. When I finally graduated, I decided I would forevermore make time to just sit, and think, and read. I have honored that decision all of my days since. I sleep when I want to, eat when I want to, and if I have choice in the matter, decline to attend to anything I do not choose to attend to. I accept no obligations which do not please me.

Does that make me selfish? Perhaps. I don't particularly care what others may think. I give of myself, freely, as I am moved to; I ignore obligations that others might press upon me, if they do not please me. I am the architect of my fate, the captain of my soul. And the love I give is free from expectation, the good I do is done without thought for reward, and the time I spend on myself is mine to spend as I will.

Mine is a course that may not satisfy others, but it is my course, and as I steer by my solitary star I am content.....